“It’s my party and I cry if I want to, cry if I want to, cry if I want to, you would cry too if it happened to you!”

This is the last song on for the free downloads, tomorrow as I turn 31, I shall reveal what the 25th tune is.

I never meant to release this song. It was really tough for me to sing it. It was a B-side when I put out the first single ever “Sudah tu Sudah” but radio picked it up, and it became a staple for the midnight horror-story show, for its ‘haunting’ sounds. Eventually it was picked up by a group of students to do a video of my song based on the real murder of a young Malay boy back in 1980s in Singapore. We did the video in conjunction with their short film they were already working on. I looked so young, and lost. At this time, it wasn’t the song that made any sort of waves. It was my hair colour.

The first time ever I decided to do something crazy, (also under the influence of some folks), I went blonde. Of course it wasn’t the brightest thing someone new like me should have done, and I did regret it. I was drilled on a daily basis, even by people on the streets. The streaky surfer look didn’t go down well with so many people who thought my goody two-shoes image should remain… goody two-shoes. Wow, they were not kidding. As Malays and as Muslims, artistes like me had to be some torch-bearer, they say. Hey, I just wanted to sing. I let the YouTube comments burn, sizzle and fizzle out. I’ve never coloured my hair again since then! Nobody cared. Goes to show when we’re new (or when we become artistes), anything can happen, just let it be. Just be good! After a while, I learnt my responsibilities and that all (or most) of my decisions as a role model must be a calculated one, my Mak always reminds as well.  Plus I turn 31 in a few days, I know where I stand. You can trust me. You can download the MP3 here.

I was obsessed with French films at one time and I was introduced to the genius of Audrey Tatou via a movie called “He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not” (À la folie… pas du tout) at the time I was working on what eventually became my first album.

Coincidentally, Eminem’s “Stan” covered the exact same theme as the French film; erotomania. It is a mental disease or delusional situation where one believes the person they like or love is in love with them. I wrote three different verses just so I’d sing it like a story, just like in the movie and song. Basically I play the loveless protagonist whose fantasy girl is already attached. Halfway through a friendship (whether it exists or not), I become jealous of the girl’s original lover and suggest a getaway. If we were ever caught, just tell him that we were only dancing; that was my reference to a slew of dance movies in the late 90s and early 00s like ‘Strictly Ballroom’, ‘Shall We Dance’ and my personal favourite, ‘Dance With Me’, where the male lead is always the awkward, quiet guy who uses dance to escape from their mundane real lives. Also, just like in both the movie and the song, the object of desire gets to address the issue to the dreamer. Things get awkward there.

What I believed Miss Tatou’s awesome movie and the Real Slim Shady’s equally exciting song and music video didn’t manage to cover was to make it pretty and subtle, I took over to address the same matter to a Malay audience oh so familiar with unrequited love. Plus like me, Malays tend to be quite the dreamer. Some of us take it a bit too far, and yet we still deny it. You may download the song here only if you have Twitter: http://unlock.sc/7k3 (lasts til 3rd April only)

p/s The song was used in a pivotal moment in “Alam’s Story” a drama re-telling of the first ‘So You Think You Can Dance (Malaysia)” champion. Although the song was never released as a single, it got some airplay and I also got to sing it at Indonesian R&B singer, Marcell Siahaan’s wedding to my friend, Rima Melati Adams.

P/S: Those coming on the 23rd, please take note of the road closures due to F1 Singapore.